Day 39: Battle Of Attrition

By | February 3, 2009
by Brian A. Wilkins

This day corresponds with Friday, August 29. I’m trying to get as many of these published as possible. With the Notice of Claim being served on Tempe Police and the research I’ve been doing in the event I’m forced to file a federal lawsuit (and the fact I’m virtually homeless) I haven’t had the time to get these done.  

The longer I am in here, the more at a loss for words I become. This has now become a battle of attrition. I’m mostly battling myself and my will to survive. I sent my mom another letter today, just to keep her up-to-date, but I feel guilty about sending the letters because they are brutally honest, morbid, and depressing. I told her in the letter that no matter what, “I will be free by September 22.” I didn’t tell her exactly what I meant by that, but I think she may figure it out. She knows my health is deteriorating, she knows I sleep almost 14 hours per day, and she knows how the system and all this court rigamarole works (or shall I say “operates”).
Another one of these guards just walked by here (its about 4 a.m.) and slammed his flashlight against the door, in a juvenile attempt to startle me awake. Sadly I’ve gotten so used to these people’s behavior, I didn’t even jump. I was lying here covered by the blanket and sheet, writing. The only way this infection in my lungs, that has produced probably a gallon of phlegm in the past 12 days, will get better is if I don’t breathe this cold air in here. “Let me see your ID!” the guard yells at me. I simply pointed to the bracelet in the window and he moved on; to pound on Oscar’s cell door next to mine.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to get that Circle K kid’s testimony now. I told Richard to go to that Circle K on Priest and University and find the kid who works the graveyard shift, who has a greasy ponytail. He is the cashier who that alleged “victim” I had to protect myself against, threatened to kill a week prior to when I was arrested. He threatened to kill the kid because he was asked for ID to purchase alcohol. I had given the guy a ride up there since he’d been drinking heavily. God, why was I so nice to someone like that? A guy who shaves his head and looks like a Nazi? I try to never be judgmental of anyone, but if I make it out of here alive, few people will be given that ‘respect until proven otherwise’ treatment from me. Still, I’m not even sure if that kid’s testimony will help me. I mean, I showed the cops concrete evidence of extortion and harassment, and none of that mattered; so why would this?

Rodney seems to think my case is a slam dunk acquittal or dismissal. He came by for a few hours today, but I slept for almost the entire day. He and everybody seem to think I should not be in here at all and that the case is a joke. Wish some of these guys worked for the Tempe Police Department or Maricopa County. I’m just convinced the U.S. Justice System is an extension of Confederate and radical principles. Then again, Arizona territory did side with the Confederacy during the Civil War. Funny the Civil War is the only war in the history of our country that I had any vested interest in the outcome. Maybe a second Civil War is needed to stop all this manipulation. Too bad I won’t be around to see it. Only 23 days left to deal with this shit. I can’t wait to NOT wake up.

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