Day 26: D.O. With A Heart, $3.00 Prison Medical, and West Nubian Sacrifice

by Brian A. Wilkins

1/13/09

 

 

 

Wow! Today is my fourth Saturday in here. Hard not to cry at this point; while trying to imagine Leslie Gore singing, “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To” and smiling in amusement. It’s probably 3:30 or so in the morning. I’ve just been staring at nothing for about an hour since I woke up from a dream. I was bowling and saw a guy I worked with at a radio station. He told me they fired the “fat, grumpy” guy because his show sucked. Yeah, that was definitely a dream; but fun! God how life has changed. I so wish I could just be out of here, but that seems so far-fetched. A guard just walked by and saw me staring into space and said, “hey, are you ok?” I said yes and he walked off. It was kind of shocking to be asked such a humane, benevolent question like that…by a guard no less. Its so hard for me to write about my days in here. I feel “Munsoned” as I’m trying to laugh by thinking of a scene from “Kingpin.” I don’t even bother watching television  in the main area anymore…why should I? No need to know what’s going on in the outside world. But here goes the day’s recap.

 

 

Art, the guy with the missing front tooth who was making “tweeker pie,” got transferred to a different jail; as did Michael Jordan. I think its called Durango. And I think its minimum security. Rodney seems to be holding up well, but then again everybody seems to be holding up well with other people around. He doesn’t need a miracle…just a lawyer who is willing to listen and work. Sounds as if lawyers keep acting like they want to represent him, but they bail out. I guess Al Sharpton made an appearance on television about Rodney. And of course, Al’s nowhere to be found now that the cameras are off. He’s from that annoying MLK school of thought and now his treatment of Rodney’s situation has kind of soured me on him even more.

 

 

I beat Monster like 6 of 8 times in chess today. He was a little bitter so he got a clowning session in on me while we were outside around a few others. “Brian really thought he was getting out! He was like ‘this is preposterous’!” Monster said, apparently mocking me in his best “white-boy” voice. K-Dog, Clifton (the “O.G.” arrested for public urination), and Steve all started laughing with him. “First of all, I’d never use the word ‘preposterous’ in a sentence,” I said, drawing more laughter from everyone. The subject quickly changed to prison stories and the “everything is $3.00 medical.” “You need a root-canal…three-dollars…you need a heart transplant…three-dollars,” Monster said, apparently not kidding since everyone else who’d been in the AZ Dept. of Correction around the circle agreed. Not really sure I’d want anything major done in a prison, but I guess if you’re in there for a long time, you have no choice.

 

 

All I know is that there is no way I’d live in prison for years, like those guys were talking about. I have to be living my life; not existing as an insect. I may even have to sacrifice myself. For thousands of years and even today, a human life has been occasionally sacrificed to better the rest of humankind in Togo, Benin, Nigeria, Ghana, and other West Nubian cultures our ancestors come from. And why not anyway? I’d rather solve my lifelong curiosity as to what happens at death than wake up in here everyday. I’ve never been afraid of death because of my convictions as far as the human soul, and now I’m totally unfazed by the reality it is becoming. If I do ever get out of here, everyday must count. I must accomplish something everyday; blogging, filming, voice-over-ing, reading, researching, law school maybe still? When my people were faced with bondage for indefinite periods of times, they frequently sacrificed themselves rather than be tortured. Glad I did that DNA test to know my Burkinabe roots. Sacrifice is ok. And I think I’m having the closest thing I ever will to a “religious experience.”