Day 42: Peach vs. Pasty and Prayer For Eternal Sleep

By | May 14, 2009

by Brian A. Wilkins

This day corresponds with Monday, September 1, 2008. Click here for the complete  “55 Days In Maricopa County Jail” series.

I’m now on the welcome mat of the Grim Reaper’s house. I cannot believe it is now September. I have been in here since July; entirely too long. Death and I would be well acquainted if it weren’t for Rodney. I would feel like I’m letting him down if I gave up. But the bottom line is, I’m not going to make it much longer. Sleeping in filth, consisting of smelly, dirty clothes and a blanket I’ve had since early August. I can shower twice a day (that is when there’s no “lockdown”), but when you get clean clothes only once per week, its hard not to feel like an caged animal. And really, they give you clean clothes when they feel like it, which isn’t necessarily once a week. I may not walk out of here, but I’ll definitely be free soon.

I think today is Labor Day or Memorial Day. I always get those two mixed up. And it still just baffles me (for lack of better term) that Manny Ramirez has been playing for the L.A. Dodgers apparently for weeks now. How sad is it that a guy like me, who worked as a sports reporter just a few months ago, is just now finding out about Ramirez leaving Boston?

Just as my ancestors did in the face of hopeless torture, I simply no longer want to be a part of this Peach vs. Pasty planet…that is the USA/Western Europe vs. Russia/Eastern Europe planet. Both of them bow down to their Zionist masters in Israel. The USA, Israel and Russia feel it is their natural born right to have nuclear weapons, while they command, via arbitrary laws and treatises, other countries that are not Peach or Pasty, cannot have these weapons. The USA has a Second amendment, giving its citizens the right to bear arms. But apparently that only pertains to SOME U.S. citizens. Me, being “a black” who used his firearm to defend himself against an attacking “white,” who was on probation and attempted to rob and extort money from me, apparently did something illegal. Just like Russia and the USA do not want Iran, Zimbabwe, North Korea, Kenya, or any other non-Euro country to have weapons which they could potentially defend themselves against rabid, attacking Euros, Tempe Police and the U.S. Justice System do not want their “blacks” doing so either.

When I read this police report, this is inescapably the case. The Euro-witness, the Euro-criminal alleged victim, and all the Euro-cops made some sort of reference to my gun ownership. Hell, all G.W. Bush-league had to do was “SAY” Iraq had nuclear weapons, which was enough for him to play army and send hundreds of thousands of Americans into a death trap. Now North Korea, Iran et al. must ask “special permission” from the Euro-global commanders if they can have nukes. “Can I have nuclear weapons, Mr. British American guy,” said Iran’s Ayatollah. “Well, you’ve been a good boy for a few years, so maybe we’ll let you have a couple of small warheads,” British/Christian/American/Euro/Zionist guy said.

It is now crystal clear to me why I’m in here on a $54,000 bond, and that dude Hardy, who was charged with THREE counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, only had a $10,000 bond. His situation was like Rwanda, or Somalia, or Darfur. It is ok in Euro-law and culture for “a black” to arm himself against other “blacks.” “But nigger, don’t you ever have the audacity to raise a gun on one of us,” says Peach Euro-boy. “If you want to change things, you do it how we tell you too, in a non-violent MLK/Ghandi way.” As long as we are stupid enough to continue being MLK nigger toys to these people, more brothas and sisters like myself and Rodney will continually be made to endure this Holocaust.

I try so hard to stay semi-positive in here, but it has grown impossible. I can’t believe Freddie may go to prison for 10 years. He just seems like a dude I’d smoke a blunt with. But I probably wouldn’t hang out with too often outside of here just because I wouldn’t want to be around some of the stuff he’s involved in. But hell, he’s a cool guy. I just can’t get over how the Rev looks so scary, yet as soon as he speaks, he reminds you not to judge people by their looks. How can I stay positive when, if this country simply put the Rev in drug treatment, as opposed to jail, he wouldn’t even be here. That chubby chick guard came by here today and said, “you should come out of here and socialize more often.”  I assume she was trying to be nice. Small gestures like that seems so humane, so decent when you’re in this environment where nobody has been convicted of anything (at least not recently) but are treated like prisoners, like hostages.

I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. If there is a God, it hates me. Why not just kill me now? I guess that would be doing me a favor huh? I feel like Drew Barrymore in “50 First Dates.” Each time I wake up, I have to be re-told that my state of being is completely fucked up. I go through the suicidal/depression stage, then recover to semi-normalcy. But she only went through it a few times a year (I think). To do it everyday is asking too much. So, all omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent god: if you’re listening, just let me fall asleep and not wake up. You’ve denied every other prayer I’ve had in here. If I can’t even pray for death, than you are worthless. Amen.

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