Day 29: Being a Target, People’s Jail Problems, and Coping

By | January 21, 2009

by Brian A. Wilkins



This day corresponds with Tuesday, August 19, 2008.


BOOM! It has to be 3:00 a.m. I think. The guy in the cell next to here must have court tomorrow/today. His cell door just slammed…which of course woke me up again. Doors are slamming all night in here as these guards do their rounds. I’m just starting to wonder why I’m being targeted? Is it because I sued a company (and won) with the name “Tempe” in it? Do the police have more power than the prosecutors? Did people who now work at the prosecutors office used to work for the law firm I dealt with back in June? Or is this simply reality for “blacks?” I just never thought it would hit me directly. And now I’m doubting I’ll walk out of here alive. I know people do it, and have done it, and have done it for decades…I just can’t do this incarceration stuff. I’d rather be dead than be these people’s toy. I’m seriously just being held hostage, IN AMERICA!


I’m going to try and continue writing about what goes on here, but it’s getting harder to even care. But here goes. Walter has court today. He finds out today whether he’ll be going home soon, or going to the tents for a while. I hope that kid gets out of here and learns from his mistakes. I let a guy use my booking number so someone can put money on my account for him. He can’t have the money put on his own account because I guess he owes back child support. If any money is put on the books for inmates who owe child support, I think the county takes at least half of it…maybe more; I wasn’t paying attention when he was telling me. The guy has three kids by three different women. I like sex as much as the next man, but damn!! Ever heard of condoms or even “withdrawal” if you will? Personally I’ve always use the scheduled period method, but that’s a conversation for another day.


Leonard is walking around in excruciating pain from the gout in his elbow that he keeps complaining about. I’ve heard of gout but never knew anybody afflicted by it. He sits there trying to talk to me, with tears coming out of his eyes because he’s in so much pain. He’s asked the jail medical people three different times for some sort of pain killer, but they won’t give it to him. Hell, Rodney had a 150/110 blood pressure reading and they refused him something to bring that down; they told him if he’s going to die from a stroke, a pill wouldn’t help him anyway. I filled out a “tank order” for Leonard too. He’s trying to report his car stolen to police. The problems are 1) he’s in jail and 2) the car was stolen two months ago. But I’ll do it for him…not sure what will come of it…more than likely, nothing.


I’ve been singing to myself a lot lately; just trying anything to bring about a smile anyway I can. I came up with a list of songs that will be on my final all-time top-25. There’s definitely a lot of cheese on this list…and a wide variety. I’ve gone from singing Tricia Yearwood’s “She’s in Love With the Boy,”


to now rapping Eazy E’s “Realmuthafuckin g’s,”


and even all the obscure songs nobody’s heard of…like Roberta Flack’s “Just When I Needed You”


For about 2 hours, I forgot I was in this place, by singing to myself. Anything that can make me feel human, that’s what I have to do right now. Just don’t go crazy…before you check out.

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