Day 18: “What If..”, Walter’s Paper, What It Is?

By | January 1, 2009
by Brian A. Wilkins
1/1/09
 
This day corresponds with Friday, August 8, 2008. If you’ve missed any previous “55 Days in Maricopa County Jail” entries, click here for a list of them in descending order. 
 
I just realized today is 8-8-08. I’m trying to extract something positive out of that. Court is in 3 days so I guess it would have…well, three “8’s” in 3 days? Like maybe the judge would lower the $54,000 bond to $888? Doubtful. And this just shows that the lengths I’ll go to think of something positive. I just really need to get out of here. It’s looking like I’m going to have no choice but to represent myself in court, and there’s no way I can do that from in here. And the fact my spirit is dwindling like a gambler’s bank account. I have to get out before my perception of life becomes distorted. I really need to see a doctor about these crazy nightmares I’m having almost nightly/daily. It’s got to be some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. But hopefully it is only because I’m in jail and sleeping won’t be as scary if/when I get out of here. But then again, I can only imagine it will get worse once I return to my apartment. If I could sleep with “Anne” every night, it may not be as bad, but one, her and I are probably history and two, even if we weren’t, I couldn’t stay with her every night. I just hope a dose of normalcy will cure me; by being freed from this place. I’m so scared to go to sleep at night. I don’t sleep as soundly in the day because of all the noise, so I don’t dream. But I’ve had THAT nightmare in the daytime too. Jesus, feels like Freddie Kruegger haunting me every night! I just need “Anne,” normalcy, and ultimately closure on all this stuff. I have a funny feeling this shit is going to stay with me until the trial is over, which I know inevitably will have to happen.
 
I wonder how the application materials I sent those law schools are turning out. I scored 162 on the LSAT without studying much. Guess its not going to matter anyway now since I’ll likely be listed as a convicted felon and won’t be able to get federal loans anyway. Plus, I’d have to graduate in December from ASU and if I’m in here, that ain’t happening. I thought of a way I could move back home (Iowa) because the only ways I’ve always said I’d go back there was for law school at Drake or the U of I, or a kick-ass radio or newspaper gig in Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, or the Quad Cities.
 
Walter interrupted my daydreaming by handing me the paper entitled “Who Is Mr. Brown?” Though of course it needed a ton of revision and proofreading, I was happy to see the effort and to read little things about what made him tick. “I don’t get mad often, but people like to try and make me mad,” he wrote. I think he was referring to the guy who was his cellmate. “Yeah man, you haven’t been waking me up in the morning for school lately,” he said. For a while, I thought I was just bothering the kid, forcing him to do something he really didn’t want to do. “I know it needs alot of work, but you told me to just write my ideas down on paper,” Walter said. Rodney came in and of course started clowning Walter’s writing “abilities.” A D.O. walked by and saw all three of us in the cell, which was “illegal,” so we were locked in for almost 2 hours. Walt gave us a detailed account as to why he was arrested, in only his unique way. While high on crack, he took a cell phone out of a police car which was there to investigate a neighbor. He also took the Jack-In-The-Box bag in the front seat of the cop car, and took a bite of the burger inside. “The cop seemed more pissed that I took a bite of his burger than about the cell phone!” he said. Guess you’d have to hear him tell the story yourself, but it was funny. And I definitely needed laughter.
 
With only a couple days left until court, I wonder if gas prices have finally fallen? I wonder if Senator Obama or Senator McCain have picked running mates as of yet? I wonder if the D-Backs are still in 1st place? And with my fantasy football drafts at the end of this month, I wonder about the NFL Pre-Season? Do I have a girlfriend anymore? Wonder what Beverly is doing now? What is Amy doing? I wonder if Bevin is married? “Anne” and I are likely done, so my attention focused on ex-girlfrends. It was the only thing that kept me sane, kept me feeling like I was still human.
 
All of the aforementioned would simply have to be dreamed about now and maybe caught up for real in due time. That is if I make it out of here alive.
 

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