by Brian A. Wilkins
1/1/09
This day corresponds to Sunday, August 10.
Today is a sad day indeed, but then again this IS jail…what day isn’t sad? Though I go to court in a little over 24 hours, I found out today “Anne” is very likely not getting my letters. Train told me a return address had to be put on the envelope in order for them to send it out. How the hell am I supposed to know a return address here? In other words, she probably has no idea what is going on and we are probably done. But oh well, its probably for the better. I really don’t want to have to explain all this shit to her anyway, plus I’ve already said its over one-way-or-another on Tuesday. Our relationship was never all that deep to begin with. But this whole return address issue adds a dimension I just don’t want to deal with. Really I bet there are only five-ish total people who even know or care I’m gone.
I just woke from sleeping almost 13 straight hours. In about six hours or so, I should be shackled up and on my way to the 4th Avenue Jail, then to Mesa. This is such an incredibly big day in my life. Though I completely expect to be sent back here from court, there is that slim chance I actually get out. God, talk about the widest range of emotions you can possibly have. About 17 hours from how, I’m either going to be happy to the point of tears, or down and depressed, plotting my next move; like getting moved out of my apartment. Too bad I look like complete shit. But oh well, not my fault. The jail did not allow clippers to be used on Saturday like they normally do, so whatever…here we go! The day I’ve been crossing the days off my homemade (jail-made) calendar in anticipation has come. I still think my absolute best chance of getting out will be via a bond reduction, but it will have to be SIGNIFICANT. Several guys in here keep saying the fact I’m an ASU student, will graduate in December, and have a misdemeanor for a criminal record, might get me “O.R.’d” (released on my own recognizance). Then of course there is the chance of the charges being dropped. But again, I fully expect to be right back here this afternoon. Its just so hard for me to imagine being free again. When every moment of your day has been dictated by a virtual “master” for 3 weeks, you start losing site of things; especially when there is no definitive time this will all be over.
What a crazy possible ending to 2008: graduate, being cleared of all charges, maybe engagement, law school forthcoming, and definitely another fantasy football title or two? Or of course, I could still be sitting here. But by then I will probably accept some bullshit plea deal just to get out of jail. Then of course I’ll have a felony or two on my record. But at least this will all be over. Maybe Arizona’s next governor (since Napolitano will likely be part of an Obama Administration) will pardon me in the future so I can practice law in this state. I’m sure “Anne” and I are already done, but at least now I’ll talk to my mom more.
I just finished praying. Funny I hadn’t done that, with the seriousness I just did, since I was a kid. If nothing else, I’ve read more of the Bible and Qu’ran since I was a child as well. I think the combination of both have been engaging and, for lack of better term, entertaining in here. I’ll join the religion of “Chrislam” when I get out of here, in my typical middle-road fashion. Sure all this sounds good now, but who knows where my heart will be in 17 hours. I just wonder if some omnipotent being created humankind, why did it pick Nubians as the “Charlie Brown” race? And cast my ancestors as “blacks”? I’m not asking for much and never will ask for anything again, but “Mr. Theoretical 3-O God,” could you do me this one solid, and make the U.S. Justice System work for a change, sans the token O.J. acquittal? A proverbial true “act of god” isn’t even necessary for that. But still probably too much to ask.